God’s Sense of Humor

God is like Russell Peters. Well, in a way. God makes fun of people and enjoys himself, as does Russell. Russell has a big audience for his shows but i don’t know how big is God’s audience. But one thing is for sure, God is a male.

Now, imagine this

You are  in Houston and had to return to Atlanta. Your flight is at 7:45 in the evening but you have to check out of the hotel at 2:00. You land at the airport at 4:00 PM hoping you would be able to catch an earlier flight to Atlanta

1) You don’t get tickets in the earlier flights even if you are willing to pay $50 to upgrade to business class.

2) You are told that the weather in Atlanta is bad and hence some flights are cancelled and one of the flights also has a technical snag.

3) You are also told that your flight will depart at 8:15 instead of 7:45

4) You come to know that there is no Starbucks in the airport. Your experience with some other coffee shops except Seattle’s Best Coffee has not been good. So, no hope of coffee.

5) You find that your internet service provider has a service at the airport and try to connect. You cannot connect and the customer service rep tells you that the Bank, for some reason had rejected the last payment to the provider. You can update the payment by going online. Isn’t that why you called him the first place that you were not able to get online?

6) You buy a 24 hour internet connection and start working/browsing.

7) You hear CNN going on and on about the meeting of Obama with a Professor and a Policeman from Boston. They really make a big deal out of a matter that should not gain this kind of importance. This annoys you further.

8) You start developing a headache

9) Your flight time has changed from 8:15 to 9:07.

10) Your headache grows worse and the airline crew announces that the  travelers have to get a new boarding pass but they don’t say for which flight. One flight is stranded due to technical snag and you have no clue about the flight you have to travel in.

11) You are getting desperate to get some sleep and the headache is getting worse. Exactly at that time a friend from India asks “Haven’t you slept yet”? You give a very frustrated answer which upsets him and you pacify him saying you are tired and will talk to him later.

12) Your flight is delayed further and is expected to start only at 9:50. Frustration and headache increase.

Finally the flight is announced at 10:15. You go “Whoa!! Finally!!” and board the flight and settle down to get some sleep.

A sigh of relief and you thank God for finally sparing you. But He has not had his last laugh yet.

He puts a bunch of noisy school girls in the seats right behind your seat. They start playing cards, taking photographs with flash and scream ALL the way to Atlanta.

When all the above happened to me and i finally reached home

1) I realized God is male. Women cannot do this. They have a different way to irritate you. All the above is purely male characteristics.

2) I started laughing out loud. I really did not know what else to do about my frustration and anger.

3) I wanted to say “Sankara” before i hit the bed but i ended up saying “Sankata”

Trust me, God has a great sense of humor. I can’t imagine how much he laughed yesterday.

Shopping in the US

Its been a long time since i posted Venkata’s Sankatas. I have been kept busy in trying to figure out my job and how i can be of some value to my employers.

Any case, here are some of my thoughts on shopping in the US. Even if i don’t trust myself usually, you can trust me on this. Shopping in the United States is awfully hard. The reasons:

1) The amount of choice you get. I have never had to think more than once about buying milk in India. All i had to decide was if i am buying a pack of GoodLife or GoodLife Slim. That is all it is. You go to a store here you will find

a) Full Milk

b) Half and Half

c) 2% fat

d) 0% fat

In the above you have a subset of other choices like Organic or regular, you will find Soy milk, flavored milk and a ton load of other choices. It took me 2 weeks to figure out which milk i wanted and since then i close my eyes when i see other kinds of milk except for the pack i want.

2) The stores have so many items that you don’t need but end up buying.

3) Huge stores mean you walk much longer, you spend more and you are tired.

Good enough reasons for me to find shopping very hard and wastefully expensive.

On the good side, i must also accept that they have some very simple and useful things which are probably not available in India yet. For example, i really like the food wrap, a simple plastic wrap that sticks to the container and can be effectively used to cover the food.

One small advice, Never! Never go shopping with a desi who has been in the US for more than 5 years. They are so badly outdated about India and think that India does not grow at all. About 75% of items that they go “Do you get this in India?" are available in India these days. It is so irritating when they say “I can’t live in India because i am so used to all these things”. Man! i might just strangle someone one day.

I recommend that if you plan to buy a specific item like a GPS, let’s say, do your research on the internet and order from internet. You want to know why? Because every shop attendant  in the US has an opinion about the products.

So, you go to the store spend 45 minutes walking up and down the GPS section and decide on one. You are looking at the features, price and you have almost made up your mind. The shop attend would appear from nowhere like Lord Shiva in our movies of the 60’s.

Att: how are you man?

You: Very well! thanks

Att: You find everything okay?

You: Oh! yes. Thanks. I am just buying a GPS

Att: Yeah! We have all these models here man and i personally like this one here. Let me know if you need anything

He would walk away saying this. Now, you chose a GPS after 45 minutes of careful consideration and confusion. He comes from nowhere and says that he likes another model. You are confused again and you start your research all over again. In another 15 minutes, you are tired of standing and chose something that you did not want or you just decide not to buy the GPS.

Trust me, shopping in the US is not so easy. You need skills, patience and most important of all you need to know the trick of the trade…just order online!!!